The Mission Statement

My Life, Out of Focus

The History...

Nine years ago, I moved to Los Angeles bursting with ambition, talent and the hope that I would become a successful film director and actress.  I was slightly less passionate about the latter, but still open to the idea of starring in a hit sitcom or becoming a cast member on SNL.  Obviously, the sky was the limit.

As my time in LA unfolded, I loosened my grasp on those dreams and took refuge in the security of a nine-to-five job and a steady paycheck.  I worked at a talent management company, an actor’s production shingle, and a series of small production companies along the way.  I used my limited free time to produce short films, music videos and even a low-budget feature, but I was frustrated that my paying gigs weren’t furthering my career.  I kept looking for that corporate ladder to climb and started to become complacent in the process.  I convinced myself that the problem was with live action in general and left my cushy gig working for an actor and accepted an entry-level job at an animation studio, for $20k less a year.  Though the industry was new to me, the job was well beneath my experience and I melted into boredom and depression yet again.

I had reached a dead end.  And the worst part was that I felt like all I ever reached were dead ends.  I grew restless.  I became resentful.  I got angry.  I felt entitled.  And eventually, I lost hope.

Then, one day, a friend from England sent what she probably thought was a pretty typical email to a bummed out friend.  She challenged me to think about what I would do, if I could do anything -- what I would do if money weren’t an issue.  My answer: produce short films and do voices for cartoons.

Within a week, a director I worked with last year called to see if I would produce a music video for her – for pay.  Then, another friend who works for an A-list actor’s production company called to see if I could line produce (create & maintain the budget for) 3 short films for them. And get paid. 

A New Focus

Suddenly, I knew where I was headed.  I stated my destination and the Universe responded with some gas money.

Her question was a gift.  It was the opportunity to hit the reset button and to articulate my dreams so that I could actually pursue them.  I think at times, we find ourselves pursuing old dreams.  So the opportunity to reevaluate and reset is nothing short of a gift that allows us to journey toward the horizon of our own design.

The Aftermath...

I decided to leave my job in animation and dive into the unchartered world of freelance producing.  I have a job lined up for February and March, but beyond that, the path is unclear.  But I have faith that it will present itself when the time is right.  And that I will be okay.

This new venture is terrifying for a lot of reasons, but primarily because I worry that I won’t be able to pay my bills.  I have a tendency to overspend when I’m worried about money, probably because I don’t want to feel like I “can’t” spend money.  I am defying my own reality and hoping to change it in the process.

I figured, though, that it might be prudent for me to stick to some old-fashioned budgeting in the days and weeks leading up to my departure from Steady-Paycheckland.  To keep it interesting, I’ve decided to give myself a challenge.

The Challenge...

Groceries, gas, toiletries, doctor’s bills and other basic essentials aside, I am only allowed to spend money on 1 “thing” a week.  That means only 1 pair of shoes, 1 movie night, 1 haircut 1 new throw pillow, 1 comedy show, or 1 weekend brunch a week.  I’m not putting a cap on how much I can spend on said “thing” – I think limiting myself to one event, outing or new item a week will be enough of a lifestyle adjustment.

I’ll have to carefully weigh my social options each week and see what I can do for free so that I can save my money for the most-appealing option each week.  It’s so easy to make plans with a friend to grab dinner, drinks, or even coffee.  It’s like we’ve forgotten how to just “hang out.”  I have tons of friends that I want nothing more than to just talk and laugh with and I live in a city full of free things to do, so hopefully I will get to know my city, learn to be creative with my free time and conserve money in the process!

I wanted to record my journey as a means of staying accountable to my goal.  So, if you’re still reading this, thank you for listening and hopefully our virtual paths will cross again on this crazy journey we call life.